Losing Him
by AzaleaBlue
Summary: A brief look into Hermione's life the day after Lavender kissed Ron,. Could be a missing moment or an AU. In essence a Romione.


_a/n: A small fic to prove I am alive and still a part of the fandom. If you are following any of my WIPs and waiting for an update, sorry for the horrible delay. Life has been especially rubbish of late. But I promise, all three should be updated in some days. Love you all. Please leave a review. _

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Sixth year: The night after the bird attack

The pages she was supposed to memorise were slowly beginning to blur. The two-foot parchment in front of her was still blank, spare a couple of splotches of ink that had dripped from her quill.

Hermione stared blankly at the two large reference books she had pulled down. Three rolled-up scrolls full of her Transfiguration notes were peeking out of her bag that lay on the table. She hadn't remembered to unfurl them, could barely remember what Professor McGonagal had taught in the class that morning. The assignment was due in two days. She had never been late to submit her homework in all these six years. She hated leaving the work for the last minute but try as she might, tonight, she could hardly get her mind to concentrate.

Her stomach grumbled, and she glanced at her watch. It was almost dinner time. She had missed her lunch already, but the prospect of finding Ro- _him _sitting next to Lav- _ her_ wasn't something she was looking forward to. In fact, the very thought was so painful that she decided she'd rather skip meals until she got around to pacifying her heart somehow.

She lay her head down on the desk instead and began scribbling absentmindedly on the parchment, forcing the hunger pangs to die down. If only there was a spell to stop her heart from hurting, she'd have cast it on herself - over and over until she forgot every little thing that reminded her of Ron. If the very future of the Wizarding world was not dependent on Harry, she's have Oblivated herself and gone away to live a Muggle life. Hard as it would be to leave everything behind, it would hurt infinitely less, not to have known _him _at all than live with this feeling of having lost him, she decided miserably.

Hermione knew it was stupid and futile- giving up everything for a boy. She knew better than that. She was supposed to work harder, concentrate on herself. And she'd have done it if it was a passing crush- if it wasn't Ron, the only person she had fallen in love with, even before she knew how hard falling in love with an idiot could possibly be. She closed her eyes, unable to shake away the image of a smiling redhead that materialised easily. She knew each freckled on that face, was madly in love with the way his eyes changed colour based on his mood, loved the way his fringe fell over his eyes…

A fat tear rolled down the side of her face and she sniffed before burying her face in the crook of her arm and let out a strangled cry. _She was such an idiot!_ She had always known it was an impossible dream and yet, she had dared to hope! She had hoped he'd notice, hear the unspoken, hoped he'd love her back… _Of course he wouldn't. Of course he'd attach himself to the first pretty face who showed interest,_ she thought ruefully. _Who'd want to be with a frizzy-haired bookworm like her?_

More tears escaped and she tried unsuccessfully to stop them, stop the hurt, get over the pain.

She wasn't sure when exhaustion and hunger lulled her to sleep.

…..

"You're sure you can't stay longer?" Lavender cooed into his neck, running a finger across his forehead to adjust his fringe.

"Gotta go for the patrols, don't I?" he replied, flushing slightly as he met her gaze. It was kinda nice to get the kind of attention Lavender was giving him, but at the same time, it made him feel awkward. Carefully he pulled himself off her embrace, adjusting his hair furiously.

She pouted and he smiled. _(That's what boyfriends were supposed to do, right?)_ "It won't take long," he promised. "Don't you have homework to get to?" he asked as he lifted himself off the couch which the two of them were occupying.

Lavender flipped her hair back and placed her arms on her knees, adjusting her skirt. Ron looked away, embarrassed.

"Sheesh, nothing's due till Friday," she replied with a nonchalant shrug. Out of the blue, the image of Hermione- her hands full of scrolls, hair all messed up, ink splotches on her fingertips and face- materialised in front of his eyes, sending a pang through his heart.

He looked away quickly. "I'll be back soon," he told her, forcing a smile before walking away.

"I'll wait for you here, Won Won," she called behind him, and he hastened his steps. He couldn't tell her, but he hated that name.

As he walked through the corridors alone, Ron realised he hadn't seen Hermione in hours. He could have missed her, of course, _preoccupied _ as he had been but… _had he seen her during lunch or dinner?_ He couldn't really remember. The part of him that was furious with her for the bird attack protested but his legs carried him on, instinctively knowing where to find her.

…

"Miss Granger? Miss Granger!"

"Yea- yes, Madam Pince?" Hermione replied groggily, absolutely flustered on being caught sleeping in the library.

The librarian gave her a disapproving look before shaking her head. "You better leave now," she said in a clipped voice.

"I- yes, yes, of course. I-m so sorry," she replied, and hastened to pack her things.

The library was deserted as Hermione walked briskly through the aisle. By the time she reached the main door to the library, Madam Pince had already extinguished the candles at the far end of the enormous room and was busy placing spells on the Restricted Section.

A glimpse at her watch told her it was already half past nine. Hopefully, she'd be able to return to a comparatively empty common room. And if she was fast enough, she'd be able to slip into her bed without coming face-to-face with _anyone._ _And _she'd have to charm her bed-curtains to cut out any and all the noise of a specific giggling dorm mate, who would surely be busy sharing juicy details about her _boyfriend. _She hugged her bag close to her body, walking briskly while counting the stones paved on the floor just to keep her brain engaged. Her hunger had subsided long ago to leave a dull headache ache in its wake. It was infinitely better than the one in her heart, so she chose to ignore it.

Hermione had barely reached the painting of the three nuns when, all of a sudden, a pair of long legs blocked her path. The ankle-displaying-trousers were heart wrenchingly familiar. Slowly she lifted her head up, taking him in, cursing herself for craving him so much.

Ron met her eyes fleetingly- the moment so short, she could barely make out what his eyes were trying to say before he looked away and scratched the poke marks on his arm. He had way too many of those, she noticed, all over his forearms, still raw from the previous day's attack.

She took a couple of steps back; he was standing much too close. Hermione didn't want to know why Ron was there, if he had come looking for her- it did not matter anymore. Hugging her bag closer still, she made to cross him. She had to leave as fast as she could. She had displayed her weakness once already, she couldn't bear to be that vulnerable in front of him again.

"Wait," he called suddenly. She had already taken a few fast steps away from him. "Where have you been? You missed dinner." His voice was strained, as if they hadn't been friends for the past six years.

She chose not to answer, but for some strange reason she had come to a halt at his words. Hermione found herself unable to move and hated herself a bit more for her weakness. She heard the sound of familiar footsteps approaching. '_Run away!' _urged her brain, but her heart refused to obey.

He came to a sudden halt beside her, maintaining a distance he hadn't earlier.

"Are you okay?" he asked, seemingly with much difficulty. She chose not to answer. "You won't talk to me?" he asked again. She chose silence again and Ron let out a small moan. She clasped her bag harder and resumed walking, faster this time.

"We are friends, Hermione!" he called from behind her.

Finally she paused, and turned.

"We _were _friends. Not any more."

Ron looked like all the air had suddenly left his body. Hermione looked away. "It's over," she announced, loud enough for the portraits to hear, loud enough to convince herself and… break his heart a little if she could…

He stood blank for a while, fumbling for words. "Right… okay," he muttered at long last.

Hermione turned around and walked away. Her own words ricocheting inside her heart, tearing it apart all over again.

Tomorrow she'd be the strong one, tomorrow she'd begin to show she didn't care, tomorrow she'd be okay, she promised herself. Tonight, however, she'd mourn the loss of the love that was never hers.

…..


End file.
